Hemroids Humor

Hemroids Humor

Hemorrhoids Humor

A blonde was having problems with hemroids. With all the burning, itching and swelling she didn't know what to do. She calls her older blonde friend and says, "i'm itching, burning and it's swollen - what can I do?" The older blonde says, "you have hemroids. I'll go down to the pharmacy and get you some cream. That will take care of your swelling and itching." After about an hour the innocent blonde was itching and burning more. The older blonde delivers the cream and tells the innocent blonde, "Take this and you will be better in about an hour. I'll call and check up on you in a couple of hours." The innocent blonde, not reading the directions, rips open the box and swallows the whole tube, thinking this is the worst taste she has ever ran across her lips. She tries to spit it out but has no luck. The phone rings and she answers, "Hewwo." It's the older blonde. She asks, "so, how are your hemorrhoids??" The innocent blonde replies, "they still itch and burn but I can whistle better than ever before!"

What do frat men call hemroids? Speed bumps.

Why are hemroids called hemroids and asteroids called asteroids? If the words got changed, what could happen to the job description of an astronaut? Instead of doing press appearances, the astronauts could have to do promo spots for Preparation-H. However, the major changes could affect the entire space program in many other ways, such as. The seats on the shuttle could have much better padding. Gforces could be dealt with in a new and innovative way. Re-entry could be a much more difficult proposition. It could even change history. Dinosaurs could have been wiped out by a giant hemorrhoid. If Lovell says, "Houston, we have a problem," then there really is a big problem. Neil Armstrong could have said, "one small problem for man, one giant pain in the ass for mankind." And just think of the impact it could have on the film industry. Space camp could not be a place you could want to go. It could give a whole new meaning to the phantom menace. Star Trek: "Where no man wanted to go before" (or ever again, for that matter). It could drastically change the plot of armageddon. Could you imagine new york with a problem that big? The space program could be a lot less glamorous, and fewer kids could aspire to become astronauts.

There once was a innocent sailor who couldn't resist a bet. He could make a bet on anything and he could always win. His shipmates were continually losing their money to him, making them very irritated. The sailor decided to have the man transferred to another ship. The next day the man was transferred, and less than 15 minutes after boarding the ship, the man addressed his new sailor and bet him 50 dollars he had hemroids. The new sailor had just gotten a physical and knew he had no hemroids, so he agreed to the bet. The man told his new sailor to drop his drawers and bend over. The sailor did so, and when he bent over, the man shoved a broomstick up the sailor's ass. The sailor found no hemroids and paid the sailor 50 bucks. The new sailor thought this was great and wanted to call the man's old sailor and tell him. When he got the old sailor on the phone he told him he had just taken50 dollars from the man. The old sailor replied, "how?" "Well," explained the sailor, "He bet me I had hemroids. I knew I didn't so I bet him. He told me to drop my drawers and bend over. When I did, he shoved a broomstick up my ass. Hey, no hemroids. Fifty bucks I won." The old sailor shouted, "that son-of-a-bitch! Before he left here he bet me 500 dollars that within an hour he could have a broomstick shoved up your butt!"